It's one of those days again. I don't know how to describe exactly how I feel but one thing is certain - I am not okay. I hope that this will eventually pass. It's hard to contain this kind of disturbance by myself but I also don't want to affect the people around me by this desolation. People who knew me so well can sense if something's not right, they would normally asks "What's wrong? Any problem?". Me, being the selfless person would normally wear a smile and will say "Nothing, I'm okay." They would ask for the second time and I would crack a joke as to avoid the conversation. I'm that type of person, I don't want to bother other people by my dilemmas.
I'm not a quitter, I have a very long patience, I should say. That's why I guess friends often tell that they adore the fighter in me. But there also comes a point that you just want to give up, pack up your things, leave, find somewhere new, start over and hope for the best. There were also times that I felt like failing is the only option. But I remind myself that it would not help me in any other way. Then I wait till that spur of low spirit comes off.
They might see a strong person in me but part of me still wants to weep. I'm tired of being told I'm strong and letting them believe that I am. For once, I would like to be as weak as I feel.....
This is inspiring. I know it wasn't written to inspire, but I see the struggle in you. Despite the difficulty you're going through and despite the fact that you're tired already, you're still not being weak. Your last sentence reveals that. I feel your struggle and helplessness, but you're still hanging on. That is very inspiring.
ReplyDeleteBut for now, rest. Be weak. Cry if you have to. We all need our weak moments.
Thank you for the unsolicited advice. =)
ReplyDelete